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When him and I got together I talked him into marriage, and told him that I believe he would make a very good husband and a dad one day. He believed me, and he went to find his ex girlfriend and proposed marriage to her. He did not say anything to me about this, but he started drinking so heavily that made me suspect that something was not right with him and when I enquired, I found out what he has done.
It is the most painful thing ever. It was a sticky confusing situation for him I suspect, but I hope he is coping now with me out of the picture. Seeing him drinking and doing things out of guilt was hard on me, not that it is any easy on me right now either anyway. But yes, things happen when we least expect them to. It is not selfishness, and I guess the sooner we accept reality the better. Its not just women who experience this, I do too. Im a man whos been in a relationship for around 6 years but a year ago I met another woman.
We spent so much time together, talking, laughing and flirting that it was inevitable thatbwr would form a bond. Then suddenly i had to move away and didnt see her for over a year. I drowned myself in work and making new friends and tried to forget the feelings I had for this other girl whiost still being with my partner. Then all of a sudden we meet up again and im confused. I know i love my gf but im also in love with the other woman.
Ive told my gf about it and shes quite supportive but i cant commit tk her because I feel guilty about my feelings for the otger girl. Worst thing is the other girl probably knows that I have feelings for her, but im too afraid to tell her for fear of ruining a friendship if she doesnt reciprocate those feelings. But at the same time i know that she does have more than a lustful attraction, but neither of us are brave enough to make the first move.
Its a confuaing and quite frankly, depressing situation to be in amd i wouldnt wish it on any other,,not even my worst enemies. My boyfriend of 6 years and my best friend who is my ex. I never really stopped having feelings 4 my ex. I really wanna be with both of them.
I can see me marrying both of them and having kids with both. The only problem with my ex is he lives in a different state. I hate this. After a period of emotional turmoil, and loneliness, I found myself alone for a while. It was then that I started talking to a friend of ten years. He is a very calm, dependable person, 15 years older to me.
I liked talking to him, then we started calling more often, and it was exciting knowing a person. We had a lot of similarities, and he started getting close over the phone. As he is married with two kids, I tried to tell him not to cross the lines. But when he did, I could not keep myself away. I was too much attached to him.
And I had begun loving him for his inner self. We first met a year back, and since then we have met thrice. We also went on a vacation last December, when I tried telling him, that irrespective of the fact that I love him, and could die for him, its immensely painful that he goes back home to his wife.
He told me he loves both of us. We even contemplated the possibility of all staying together. I know, his wife will never accept it, and perhaps, even I may not be too happy for long, but still I found myself accepting the idea. Which in itself is the most peculiar thing I have ever heard of. I did not believe in it myself, but I am even ready for that, just to be with him. So, thus my days were moving.
In love and pain…. I had fallen first time in love, 19 years ago.
I loved him with complete devotion. Finally when I let him know my feelings, he did not love me back. But there was no hard words there. Then he got married. I never had him, so I did not lose anything as such. It was painful, but there was peace in my heart. In my life, whenever I had been badly hurt, I took refuge in my first love… within my heart. Four years back, when I was visiting the city where he stays, he asked me if he had hurt me. This led to exchange of emails and calls.
I told him about myself.. So, we have been friends since then. I meet him once every month, at his place of work. And then he came for lunch at my place. The frequency of his calls increased. And we talk more often now.
He used to talk of going for a day-trip, but mostly it was just a mere suggestion. I used to look forward, or be serious about it, and be hurt when it did not happen. But just a week back, he wanted to take me for a trip. I had looked forward to it all my life, but today I was not so sure I wanted to go. It was the closest we were in the last 19 years. And more than how I felt, it was his feelings that were warm, and his growing attachment, that surprised me. He told me that day, that he had read all the emails I had sent him earlier, where I had expressed clearly all my thoughts and emotions, because I was very sure that he never would read them.
He said thats how he became attached to me. After two days, he wanted to go out again, and we did go for a few hours. That day I had a bad headache, and he was so caring and so concerned, and this is the first time I saw this side of him. We both know, we are getting closer.
And there was a time, when I would give anything for this. But today, I am confused. I know both men are married, and I would have none for ever.
Then why still this pain? Though we are well within the limits of friendship, my heart feels completely at home with my first love. And that brings in a feeling of guilt, for the other person, whom I had completely submitted myself to. If he would be mine, or me completely his, my decision would be easy. But, with him away from me, and his stay with his family.. I feel left out and bitter. At such a moment this new surge of emotion is warm. But I am not as happy as I should.
My biggest fear is getting hurt again from my first love. I do not want that at any cost. Else, I would not be able to survive. I am in love with two men, on two different levels. One is my husband of almost 9 years.
I love him deeply and absolutely love the life we have built together.